“We are here but for a second, but our impact ripples through time.” ― Neetal Parekh
Whether we like it or not, we all have an impact. That impact can be either positive or negative on the people and the situations around us. It may be intended or unintended. The question is, what to do with it?
Be Aware. Even your mere presence can make an impact. When a person who is known to be a bully walks in the room, others may freeze or leave. If you happen to have a tendency toward introversion, others may interpret your silence as stand-offish or holier-than-thou and be put off. It’s helpful to be sensitive to the fact that, planned or unplanned, your presence will have an impact.
A client of mine was asked to travel to a company location where two team members had recently and tragically committed suicide. The request was that she set up EAP (Employee Assistance Program) support for the rest of the team members and respond to any additional human resources needs on the part of the restaurant. Once she arrived, she met with the team members, explained why she was there and offered support and compassion. She heard later from the location’s General Manager that the team members found her cold and stand-offish. She was stunned because that was not at all her intent. In retrospect, she realized she needed to be more aware of not only her words, but her body language and overall energy.
Plan. Knowing that your words, body language, intention and energy will have an impact on another person, it is helpful to start by defining the impact you wish to make. How do you want people to feel after your interaction?
To use the example above, if my client had taken a moment to plan, she might have thought about how she wanted the team members to feel and what she wanted them to do after her first interaction with them. How she answered this question might have led her to think about her body language, the words she chose and whether she spoke with the team in a large group or individually. She could have weighed out different approaches. Unfortunately, in this interaction, she did not consciously plan any of this communication.
Ask. As a final measure of the impact you make, the most direct method is simply to ask. “What is the impact of what I’ve said on you?” “How are you feeling now that we’ve talked?” “What are you thinking?” You may also be able to read the other person’s body language and/or non-verbal communication. At that point, check in with them, let them know what you are noticing and have them validate whether you are accurate or not.
Face it. You make an impact. Sometimes that impact is intended and sometimes it is unintended. To make an impact that is constructive and not hurtful, always Be Aware. Take time to Plan. And Ask. By knowing your impact you will improve your relationships. And the power in those relationships will indeed “ripple through time.”
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