Where does compassion fit into the workplace? According to a 2014 study in the “Administrative Science Quarterly,” workplaces with a higher use of compassion, affection, tenderness and caring had higher engagement and lower turnover and absenteeism. Employees felt more connected to one another, and there was greater interdependence and sensitively toward other employees.
Whether we talk about compassion in the workplace or not, in highly engaged environments it undoubtedly exists. In addition to policies that encourage compassion, we find compassion in action In internal funds designed to support employees in need, or everyday practices of watching out for each other, or showing sympathy and kindness to struggling employees.
As this study suggests, the capacity to feel compassion is directly linked to the ability to be a successful leader. While not often discussed in leadership programs, the work around emotional intelligence supports the essential use of empathy, compassion’s kissing cousin.
The presence of compassion at work is interesting and important, but I believe it is difficult to demonstrate empathy for those you work with if you do not, first, have empathy and compassion for yourself. Treating yourself with compassion first is a bit like the ubiquitous airline announcement to “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” You must be sustained and supported by compassion for yourself before you can fully show it to others.
How are you doing in showing compassion to yourself? As you consider this question, think about the following:
Ask what your self-talk is telling you? Those insistent and degrading voices or inner critics that most of us have in our heads can be our worst enemy when it comes to showing compassion toward our self. It is often not an easy thing to recognize that these messages are untrue. To better balance your self-talk, try these exercises.
- When your inner critic is talking trash, ask yourself what else could be true. There are likely so many other actual “truths” to be found to replace the “untruths.”
- I’ve written previously about defining those voices as your saboteur or gremlin. This activity would include visualizing it, hearing its voice and identifying when it most often shows up. It also should include some method of shutting the messages down. The more often you recognize that you can manage this debilitating voice, the better you will get at silencing it.
Use affirming language when you think of yourself. Rather than indicting yourself with statements such as “I’m an idiot” or “I can’t believe I did that AGAIN,” try listing the variety of things that have gone well. Focus on the positive. Focus on what you do well.
Consider what you might say to someone else in the same situation. We are often kinder to others than we are to ourselves. When times are tough, practice the same sensitivity, warmth and caring for yourself that you would show to others.
Use comforting gestures. In her book, Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Kristen Neff suggests that, just as you might hug a friend to show you care, “kind physical gestures have an immediate effect on our bodies, activating the soothing parasympathetic system.” In other words, compassion gets you out of your head and into your heart.
If compassion toward others in the workplace drives engagement, what impact can compassion for ourselves have on our own performance, engagement and ability to show compassion to others in work and life? Remember, it’s best to get your own oxygen flowing before helping the person next to you.
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