Over the years in my work as an HR leader, a training facilitator and as a coach, I have come across people who seem to be participating in body only. You may occasionally be this person. Perhaps you sit back with your arms crossed without picking up a pencil to take notes or you refuse to respond to a question and instead tell a mostly unrelated story…or you say nothing at all. There may be times when you joke or roll your eyes or ignore an assigned task. I have seen multiple behaviors over the years that suggest that the individual is present in body only.
If I am honest, this may be similar to my absolute refusal over many years at summer camp or other “water-based” activities when I absolutely refused to try water skiing. I was present on the shore or in the boat, but I was not fully there, I was not “all in.” I had a number of standard excuses, but the fact is I was scared.
The impact of this holding back and making excuses is as common in our personal development as it is in professional development. To deal with and grow from this fear means you must first acknowledge that you don’t know. Not only do you “not know,” but you might not be very good at the activity that scares you. You might fail. You might be the most inept person on the whole earth…Wait, I’m getting carried away. You’ve heard that voice though, haven’t you? This is the moment when your inner critic - the fear monger - holds out the prospect of embarrassment and great physical, mental or emotional harm as preferable to trying something new.
I am disappointed when participants, team members or clients have closed themselves off to learning, because I want them to be all that they can be. I believe what the poet T.S. Eliot said, that “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” I also am familiar with the old English proverb that says “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” So often what we are critical of in others is also one of our own weaknesses. And so, when I find myself stepping back or participating in body only, I will challenge myself with the following questions. Will you join me?
What am I afraid of? This question requires some honesty and self-evaluation. In my water-skiing example, my fear probably had to do with just not being able to get up on the skis, or going too fast. In a meeting or training session, someone’s fear might center on saying something “stupid” or being seen as “teacher’s pet.” Learning to say what you think may risk the harmony you try to cultivate. List all of the fears you can think of. Bring them out into the light. Notice them.
What are the consequences if I don’t participate? There may be a very valid reason why you should not participate in something. Testing the validity of your fears should be a first step prior to declining. While I might be afraid of not being able to get up on water skis and therefore looking stupid, I could also confirm that many people before and after me will have failed to get up on water skis. I would be part of a very large group who could laugh over their own similar experience.
What are the benefits of participating? It’s frankly quite a bit easier to come up with all of the reasons things could go wrong, rather than all of the great things that could happen if you choose to step into what you fear. This is particularly true when you come from a place of real fear. In a workshop, you might determine that active participation would confirm you as a competent leader, one who can be trusted to take on more responsibility. You also might really learn something! A benefit to speaking your mind may be that people really know what you think. You may begin to influence others in ways you didn’t think possible.
How do the benefits of participating support my values, dreams and goals? This step is the moment of truth. If your goal is to be seen as a competent leader who can take on more responsibility, then participation in a workshop is absolutely aligned with your goals. If you, like me, want to see “how far I can go” and what impact I can make, then stepping out of your comfort zone is required.
Whether you are stuck personally or professionally, sitting back with your arms folded will certainly not help you become your best self. Instead, evaluate what you are afraid of and dare to step out of the boat and into the water skis. See how far you can go.
What will you do to step out of your fear and into your best self?
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