Albert Einstein is thought to have said that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” In spite of the obvious truth to this adage, most of us, at times in our lives, find ourselves stuck in repetitive behaviors that continue to get us nowhere.
Today I’m thinking about the pointlessness of continuously doing the same thing over and over again when I know the result will not change. Are Einstein’s words speaking to the place you find yourself in? Are you continually repeating the behavior that you most want to change?
You probably know this feeling. You really want to be more patient with a loved one, but you find yourself in the same “over and over again” behaviors that you so dislike. Perhaps, in spite of your promise to yourself that you will not overcommit your schedule, you continue to say “yes” and as a result, feel more and more frustrated by your lack of time for yourself.
The very behaviors that you want to change take hold of you and the ending is always the same. You are left wondering how you allowed yourself to get here.
I find with my coaching clients that exploring a few different questions may help them recognize what they are doing and find a way out of their repetitive and unproductive behaviors.
What do you want? By defining what you want may open up a new way of behaving in order to achieve what it is that you desire. In our work relationship example, you might want to be seen as a collaborative leader and you realize you have been behaving more like a dictator.
What are you afraid of? Many times you continue with unhelpful, even harmful, behaviors because you are afraid of what might happen if you stopped. For example, if you didn’t behave as a dictator, your work colleague might take advantage of you.
What is a different way you can look at this? You may be making all kinds of things up about your situation that are just not true. For instance, perhaps those colleagues you think may take advantage of you are really anxious to have a strong working relationship with you.
So what would happen if you honestly contemplate these questions, your motives and then commit to new behaviors that are undergirded by your new understanding of yourself? You will likely discover that moving away from the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again is easier and safer than you imagined.
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