Several years ago I found myself on the side of a mountain rock flow at what appeared to me to be a 90-degree angle. (I’ll admit, my mind may have been playing tricks with me on that one). I had followed my brother, the ultimate risk taker, on one of our many hikes when I visited him in Lake Tahoe.
I was terrified. There was nothing but air directly below me and some very hard rocks many feet beyond that. I had to do something. So, with my brother encouraging me forward, I swallowed my growing hysteria and took the long step over the gap in the rock. I made it!
I often think about this experience when I face something that frightens me. Sometimes the situation may be a perceived physical threat; more often it is a fear about an action or interaction.
We each have a different interpretation of what is risky in our everyday lives. For some, speaking out in a meeting may cause listeners to think negatively about them. For other people, having a difficult conversation risks losing the love or camaraderie in that relationship. You may fear public speaking, or asking for a raise, or the prospect of leaving a job that you hate.
I still struggle with risk, but over the years I have learned four things that can help in overcoming fear.
- Take some deep breaths and slow your thoughts down. Deep breathing slows everything down in your body and produces a greater sense of calm. While most people know this to be true, practicing it in the moment of fear or risk can often slip your mind. Making deep breathing exercises a part of your daily routine may help you remember to do this when your anxiety is high.
- Look at the situation from another perspective. The lens of fear is only one way to look at a particular situation. Prior to confronting what makes you afraid, consider “trying on” alternative lenses. If you looked at this situation as though it were the easiest thing in the world for you, instead of fear, what would you be feeling at this moment? If you looked at the situation from the perspective of your favorite super-hero, how might you approach the situation? This activity is not just play. It can work if you are willing and able to really feel and then own the new perspective.
- Take help if it’s offered. I have found people to be very generous, knowing that they have experienced similar feelings or have a particular talent that they can share. You may also find new skills by taking a course in something that scares you or hiring a coach to help you develop the confidence to tackle risks. Taking advantage of these resources can build your confidence and be the impetus for you to help others with their own fears. By doing so, you can move yourself into a place of confidence.
- Go for it. As was the case for me on that hike, sometimes you just have to jump in and do it. Following Eleanor Roosevelt’s recommendation to “do one thing every day that scares you” will help build your muscle of confidence in uncertain or risky situations. It may also lead you to discover a new confidence, a new interest, or the revelation that you will live to tell the story (and value the lesson it taught you).
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