I’m sure every one of you reading this blog, at some time in your life, has wanted desperately to change something about yourself. Perhaps you wanted to be less critical of others…or yourself. Maybe you wanted to slow down and let others have input into an idea or project. Or perhaps you knew you had to start a regular exercise regimen. As human beings, there is always something we could do better and we are constantly bombarded by blogs, self-help books and the like that tell us who we should be and how we should act.
There is a passage in the Bible that talks about how detrimental it would be to mix old wine with new wine or sew old cloth to new cloth. Inevitably the old sullies the new. I think this concept is exactly what happens when we try to change our behavior.
You see, new habits do not live comfortably beside old habits. Old habits, like an old pair of jeans, are comfortable. In spite of the tear in the knee and the coffee stain on the thigh, it’s so much easier to slip the soft cloth on, than it is to pull on the new pair of jeans that still feel stiff and a little bit like they don’t belong to you.
To create new habits means you must get rid of the old ones. It’s a bit like clearing out your closet. “Oh, I love this blue dress. Maybe I’ll keep it another season (even though I haven’t worn it in 5 years.)” No wonder new habits are so hard to imbed – there’s too much junk in our closets! There are too many bad habits crying out “wear me today!”
So what can you do to clear out the closet of bad habits? How can you make the changes you desire? What will it take to become your best self?
There are several models of behavioral change, primarily developed for health settings. The transtheoretical model (TTM) is the most widely used and can, I think, be broadly applied to any behavior change.
Pre-contemplation – This is the stage where you are blissfully unaware of the impact of certain behaviors.
The closet has a lot of old stuff in there, but you don’t notice how out-of-date they are.
Contemplation – It is in this stage that you become aware that something you are doing is a problem. Perhaps your doctor advises you that you need to begin an exercise regimen to control your weight or your boss gives you a poor performance review based on your inability to get along with colleagues.
You see the junk in your closet, but you’re not too sure you want to take the time to deal with it right now. You may argue with yourself about whether something actually needs to be done.
Preparation – Now you are ready. You are going to take that Zumba® class. You have plans to sit down with your colleagues to understand their concerns. Maybe next month.
It can be helpful at this stage to create a plan for the change. What will success look like if you make this change? What will people see or feel? What will you see or feel? How would this behavior change fit with your values? What steps do you need to take to get there? The answers to these questions may come much easier for more concrete goals such as losing 20 lbs. It is just as important to think about these questions when the change is learning to be less judgmental or domineering.
You realize that you still have clothes in your closet from the 90’s and have brought the boxes in so that you can get rid of them.
Action – You did it! You accomplished your goal. You lost the weight, your boss is much happier and, in spite of the occasional disagreement, you and your colleagues are working much more effectively together.
You can see the floor of the closet and you actually have some new outfits hanging in the spaces where the old tired ones used to be.
Maintenance – Your changed behavior is becoming a habit now. There are times when you are tempted to indulge in your favorite dessert or you fly off the handle in the middle of a tense planning session with your colleagues, but you really are different.
Because it can be easy to fall back into old habits, ask people you trust to give you feedback when you may be stepping in that direction.
You can see all of your clothes, they are up-to-date, clean and ready to wear.
Occasionally the blue dress makes an appearance because you always thought it was such a lovely dress.
Is it time to clean out your closet?
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